Things I need to do. What I have to change to go from being the mess I am now to the person I used to be – even the person I want to become. Its not gonna be earth shattering. We’re thinking small baby steps here. Got it? Of course part of the plan is to add more steps as we progress, but you shouldn’t try to run before you can walk – you end up flat on your face and giving up again. So, here goes…
Roughly speaking the plan can be broken into two main areas: I’m labeling these “Get a Grip” and “Get a Life”. “Get a Grip” will be reserved for all the things I have to do – you know the things I should have been doing this whole flipping time. Dare I say maybe this is the stuff that landed me here, mostly to do with the health situation? whereas “Get a Life” will be reserved for the things I want to do – goals I want to achieve, hobbies I’d like to pursue – generally rebuilding my life. Re-injecting the FUN.
“Get a Grip”
- First and most important, I must ask for help. I don’t understand a lot of this health stuff and I need to. This means actually finish registering with the correct GP. No more traveling an hour to get to the old surgery because I end up not going. I will write a list of all the issues I need to bring up before I go and I must make sure that they are talked about or further appointments are arranged to deal with my concerns. I will not feel bad for taking up the doctors’ time anymore. That’s what they are paid for and I deserve attention just like anyone else who is worried sick about their health (or just sick of course!)
- Second, I will commit to my medication. This means that I will not be ashamed to take anti depressant medication when I need it. I will ask about resuming drug treatment for PCOS. I will actually take my multi vitamin every day and will try adding evening primrose oil hopefully to fight the curse of mood swings. But wait – there’s more… I am going to find out about each drug I’m taking – read about it and make informed choices. I’m fed up of popping pills because someone tells me to. It’s not that I don’t trust doctors but I should know what’s going into my body and why!
- Third, I will take responsibility for my diet. Yup, cutting the junk food, adding more veg, cooking for myself more – all these good things. I will ask for a referral to a dietician and read up on controlling PCOS and depression/anxiety through diet making changes accordingly
- Fourth, fitness. Yes, this means the dreaded “E” word: exercise. I’m going to make an effort to find types of exercises that I enjoy and stick to them. I say make an effort, because I’m trying to be realistic and the “E” thing… that’s a big ask for me but I will try
- Fifth, weight. I want / need / must lose some. Hopefully 3 & 4 will help with that, but I must try to be realistic with PCOS. It will be tough and I may not see many results. I will try not to get disheartened, focusing instead on being a healthier person. I will state right now that I would only be open to weight loss surgery if and only if it was with a view to some type of fertility treatment and even then as a last resort.
- Lastly, (warning guys this may be TMI) I will keep a proper record of my moods, any symptoms, and any bleeding / periods by writing them down… somewhere… so that I can try to establish if there are any patterns or similarities . I’ve been talking about this for ages with a friend (well really he’s been nagging me… and he’s right). I will actually set up a health journal.
“Get a Life”
- First, I will force myself to get better at keeping in touch with my friends – by calling, emailing, even – shock horror – visiting as finances permit and I will l try to be more open with them about what’s actually going on (wish me luck with this)
- Second, I will look for a job. I want one – to help with 1 but also because I’m so sick of being out of work and claiming benefit. I know that times are hard and that I’ve been out of work for 2 years so it will be hard, but I will keep looking. at the same time, though, I will not take just any job at risk of making myself ill again trying to avoid one step forward two steps back . I will take small steps, so part time work would probably be better right now
- Third, I will do more things that I enjoy: taking up my cross stitch again, reading a book each month for pleasure, trying to see a movie at least once a month… maybe even going to the theatre (again money allowing ). I will learn to cook more because I do enjoy it. I may even try to find a theatre group to become involved in… maybe .
- Fourth, I will go out everyday, even if it’s just for a short walk. I will try to pay more attention to the world around me and I will not give up. I will beat the panic attacks for they are “STOOPID”, ANNOYING AND WRONG
- Fifth, I will NOT give up on my dream. Ok, the kids thing is kind of out of my hands (rooting for science and technology though :P) Plan B: I’ve always wanted to travel around America and write a book about it. Well, really I’d give my right arm to move there. I can’t see a way for that to happen at the moment, but I won’t give up. In the mean time, I will find out all I can about this country that I love – its culture, history, politics and people – with a particular interest in baseball of course. I will take-on as many fact finding missions to this place of wonder as I can (afford)
- Finally, I will teach myself to take better pictures because they hold memories.
TA daaa… there it is… my Master Plan. Feel free to comment but be gentle. If you can’t be nice be aware that I am free to ignore you 😛
This is a process ok I will not change overnight. I’m only human. I can’t promise that I will stick to all of it all of the time, but I will try my best and I will not give up!