Feeling Blaaa..

I got an interesting phone call this morning from a company I was on course with back in December, said course designed to boost my confidence and get me back into work. While it may not have succeeded in the employment part of this aim, which was a tall ask anyway seen as in total I was only working with them for 6 weeks. It was a fantastic boost for me and gave me some self belief back and a sliver of motivation.  It may, in fact, have been one of the first tentative steps towards recovery that I made. Basically the call was asking permission to put my CV forward for a hotel receptionist vacancy in Liverpool. Of course I said yes! I did this job before and loved it, despite the long hours and many challenges it brings. I actually think I was quite good at it.  The trouble is its so long since I’ve made any form of application for work that its kind of hanging around in my mind a little. I know the best thing to do in this situation is just not to think (read worry) about it. Whatever happens… happens…  but I’m finding it hard. I so badly want to be back in work.

Second week at the weekly meeting for Red Cross volunteers this week I learned good old CPR… mouth to mouth… kiss of life…  whoa there steady on.  I’m glad we went over this as every time I learn it accepted practice seems to change. The kiss of life actually now appears to involve a lot less mouth to mouth  breaths and a lot more chest compressions which now take place right between the nipples.  I’m glad I got updated while of course hoping that I am NEVER in a position of needing to use it.  First aid is one of those things I truly believe everybody should learn. I mean it doesn’t take long… its not that hard… and seriously these little pieces of information save lives. It should be taught in schools or something. I now have extra class with the Red Cross on a Wednesday night as I work towards my standard First Aid Certificate. I’m so pleased I’ve been offered this opportunity so soon after joining. I mean I don’t even have all my paperwork in yet!

Yup my tits are STILL bugging the heck out of me… and that’s all I have to say about that.

I have this lingering sadness today. I’m not really sure what the why is. Worrying about people, friendships… feeling a little bit numb, like I’m  in the way rather than making a valid contribution. Sort of like the changes I’m trying to make are small, insignificant and pretty stupid. I’m hoping its short lived, but it kind of means I’m at lost for what to talk about. I’ve tried to put into words how I feel and what’s bothering me, but its just not coming together right. I can’t explain it. Not right now anyway. Lack of motivation… blaaa..   

Ali xX

K.S. can’t wait for my first aid training!

One thought on “Feeling Blaaa..

  1. I hope you’re feeling less down soon, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for the receptionist job.

    I agree everyone should learn first aid in schools but CPR always grossed me out, I don’t think I could bring myself to put my mouth anywhere near a strangers.

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