I have decided I love my dentist which is quite an amazing thing for me to say given that until very recently I had a total fear of anything teeth related and actually hadn’t been able to go for a check up in a couple of years thanks to a lack of available NHS dentists. The idea of the dentist waiting room has not become a staple for comparing other awful things or for no reason it’s a terrifying place to be waiting for your turn in the torture chamber. Hay, don’t tell me that set of tools laid out ever so neatly on the tray and the dentists chair doesn’t remind you of the kind of person who takes a bizarre pleasure in inflicting pain on others. I keep imagining said skilled technician is going to start firing off personal questions looking for incriminating answers at any moment. Except, of course, I’d be unable to answer because my mouth is full of things and stuff and I think I may die if they don’t let me swallow again soon!
I’ve always said you have to have a sadistic streak to want to be a dentist. Not that its not an important job, it’s just you have got to ask yourself what makes a person decide they want to deal with teeth when they grow up. Beats me. 98.9 percent of people I know view dentistry as a necessary evil in life, not something to make a career out of. Anybody – any ideas what that “dentist office” smell actually is?? My new dental practice, while it smells the same as any other I’ve ever been to, fails in one important area: there is NO reading material. ok the posters on the wall telling you how to pay and warning you that if you keep failing to show up they will refuse treatment or all the doom and gloom death and decay pictures of teeth. They don’t count. Where’s the stack of old magazines? I mean, seriously, I only ever read Cosmo and Idea Homes when I’m waiting for some type of treatment, so it doesn’t matter to me that the issues are 3 + months old. Their absence makes me feel cheated. I mean, without the pretence that we are so engrossed in this fantastic article learning 55 ways to drive a man wild and other such important information we’re forced to do that awkward stare at the walls and try not to make eye contact thing. Nobody talks in a waiting room. The silence is so still it would make local libraries green with envy. Awkward… I feel awkward. Yeah I’ve learned my lesson. I take a book now every time I go.
So, we’ve talked about the new practices failings in the reading department. Now lets get on to the subject at hand: I LOVE my new dentist… so much so, that I am no longer scared of the dentist or the stooopid office. I just can’t be terrified of this slight blonde haired young woman who’s quite a bit shorter than me and given that I’m only 5″1 she is little, cute and actually pretty kind which is VERY refreshing for a dentist in my experience. You know like when I raise my hand to tell her that thing she just did HURT LIKE HELL despite the supposed anesthetic she actually stops and tried to do something to fix the situation for me. The bloke I saw last was obviously a much more serious sadist because he did a wonderful job of ignoring me and carrying on regardless… or worse simply telling me that shouldn’t hurt even though I’m actually spasming in the chair every time he tries to carry on. HAY DUDE… I don’t care about your “shouldn’t”… apparently my mouth does not agree with your rules. You hurt me. HURT HURTS OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
These days I’m less likely to be screaming in the chair; instead having more trouble trying not to giggle as this ladies face is so close to mine because of her small stature that we are practically rubbing noses with her mask and visor acting as some bizarre barrier to Eskimo intimacy. I have to point out here that it’s the situation that makes me giggle. I’m not laughing at her in the least – she does a great job and proves once again that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. She is also remarkably strong. It’s surprising and totally unreserved when it comes to doing what she needs to do to get the job done. I have it on Kayak Man’s good authority that she was climbing on the chair with him to get enough leverage to pull a tooth from the mouth of a man three times her size. actually he said she was climbing over him but I think that’s more wishful thinking from a guy sat still in a chair long enough to let his mind wonder. Anyways…
Sadly there was a complication with Kayak Man’s extraction and the second tooth that was due to be removed is now a fragmented mess of rot in his gum we have to wait for the dental hospital to get in touch. He’ll have to go over to Liverpool somewhere to have it sorted out and apparently its at least a month’s wait. A MONTH. THATS CRAZY. Oh and just so ya know – our super cool dentist is not to blame.
All in all, my fear of the dentist is fading fast. YAAAY!