Uuugh… hormones are wreaking havoc with me. I have this oddly out of control feeling like I have too much energy or stress or tension… emotion maybe… goodness knows but it’s making my skin crawl and feel tingly all over right to the tips of my fingers but so much worse in my thighs. I feel shaky and unstable, both physically but mentally too with no idea which extreme of emotion I might lurch into next. All I know is provoke me and I fear extreme reaction will occur – not sure if that will be crying hysterically or screaming like a banshee. I hate feeling this way. Hate it. I’m not right in my own skin. Everything feels awkward and prickly. I have an odd sensation in my head and I want a cuddle. I need to be held. I need to hold you – only my skin crawls so bad when you actually do touch me I can hardly stand it… and I’m scared if I did hold you I’d squeeze you so tight it would hurt. It’s so confusing… a jumbled mess of rawness that makes no sense and has an oddly destructive streak. I have raging hormones… that mean I actually want to tear some guy apart in a desperate need for intimacy and yet I’m scared to because tear apart is no joke. In this mood I feel the need to bite. And not in a kinky fun gentle way. There is a sensation in my jaw. I bite HARD. I know this because most times I’ll end up biting my own hand and leaving bruises and teeth marks. I want to dig my nails into something and actually tear it up. It’s INSANE and overwhelming and to be honest it frightens me. It usually only lasts a couple of days but it feels like forever and each time is just a little different. Today, for example, I’m not getting mad or angry like I have done in the past just SCARED to death with a feeling that something bad is going to happen to me or someone close to me. It’s totally irrational. There’s no reason at all to think bad news is on the way but I can’t shake this awful doom and gloom feeling. Another new thing for me my joints all are stiff and ache. Not just my knees which is usual for me. My left knee will often go stiff or lock a little and ache its a separate issue but today I have this same uncomfortable tenderness and dull ache in both of my knees. Also my ankles, wrists, the back of my neck, and even the individual knuckles in my fingers. It’s not pain full as such just uncomfortable and achy and a little stiff. The whole mess is infuriating. My body is driving me insane!
I don’t know what to try next to make it better except hoping that it will pass quickly.
Irritation and perhaps frustration are the words of the day.
As Kayak Man would say …”Ali I just have to tell your HORMONES they are being a BITCH right now.”
*Cries* I can’t help it !