Kayak Man mourns his wife.

This was meant to be the post the one where I explain how Kayak Man got his name and share with you pictures to prove it… but alas the best laid plans of mice and men…

Kayak Man is a schemer. He always has some crazy plan on the go – some out there, far fetched project.  It’s just the way he is. Sometimes they are successful and others… well… they lead to much frustration because the man also has kind of a short attention span, so he’ll spend time and effort and money on this one thing and then get bored a few months later and move on to something totally different. He finds it kind of hard to stick at things. So when he told me last summer that he was going to buy an inflatable Kayak… let’s just say I was not amused.

The boat arrived and throughout the summer became Kayak Man’s new favorite toy. He would inflate it so that it filled our front room and it would stay there for weeks. Yep, I was pulling my hair out about it. I almost died laughing when I came down to find him sat in there with a snack watching TV. Over time, we nick named it his new wife… something which I found highly amusing until one day I walked into his room and the kayak was folded up on one side of his king size bed. LOL. We really came to blows when he took a book shelf from one of our bookcases to make some form of seating arrangement. Yes, he didn’t have any wood around the house so rather than get some he used A BOOKSHELF. I have to tell you ladies: its a damn scary thing when you are woken up by the sound of a guy using power tools you didn’t even know he had inside your house! (I quickly learned the best thing to do when this happens is to stay upstairs and hide until he’s finished and has had a reasonable amount of time to clean up the damage).  He spent hours repairing the various punctures the boat was subject to in the HUGE trek we had to do to even get this thing into the water.

Let’s explain this trek a little more you. See, neither I nor Kayak Man can drive, so to get to a place where the water is reasonably calm and not going to kill a learner in a inflatable boat we drag all this stuff on public transport for over an hour. I say “we” because while the boat folds up neatly and does fit into a bag, he never considered all the other things that he would need. You know.. life vest, food for the day, dry clothes… so, he needs help carrying those things. Also I was actually the one out of both of us who had actually been in a kayak before. So, we go kayaking. According to KM it can be “one of those things we do together “. Uh huh… I wish he had consulted me before selecting an activity because I’m telling you kayaking was so far down my list of acceptable things it wasn’t on the radar. And for someone who has confidence issues, I’m not dealing all that well with the attention two over weight people get dragging all this gear ON THE BUS… especially when one of them *points at Kayak Man* is all suited up in his waders… anyways… I do it because I love water in any form so being on the river is actually fun for me even though the inflatable thing would not be my vehicle of choice and I grin and bear the rest because…  well… it makes the man so happy and I love his smile (sucker!). Oh and also I make him pay with mandatory Farm House Ice Cream. That’s MY guilty pleasure when we go.

I refuse to go over the winter, though, because it’s cold and rainy and the river we go to floods in winter and also my heart problem means that I get cold shock really fast if I fall in the water and I have no desire to experience the ice cold water that runs off the Welsh hills in winter up close, thank you very much.

All winter he’s been waiting to go again. He dragged the ‘yak out a couple of weeks ago and inflated it in the back yard to check and repair any damage from over the winter. Then, of course, as soon as he was ready we had awful weather for a whole weekend. Had a very pouty Kayak Man… until a couple of days ago. Sunshine and free time collided and ‘yak day was declared. Off we went.

Riverside… and the man is enthusiastically pumping up the love of his life, awaiting the reunion… when there was this almighty explosion of a pop and the loud noise of gushing air… and with that, his new wife died. Split right along the seam and totally beyond repair. She was laid to rest in a litter bin close by.  This is why I have no Kayak Man pictures for you, only this one of  ‘yak man waiting at the bus stop:

Waiting for the Bus.

This of the river we go to :

The river Dee

oh ok  and this of the wife’s final resting place: litter

He’s taking it pretty well, considering. I’m more sad than I’d thought I would be because even though he dragged me out looking like a total dork,  even though he made me feel uncomfortable, and even though I sacrificed a book shelf and a cell phone, and even though I’ve spent a fair amount of time giggling at Kayak Man’s enthusiasm. He loved that ‘yak. He put hours of effort into the hobby and it made him REALLY happy and now its over. Because of some sucky budget things, we have no idea when he will be able to afford a new boat, so it looks like Kayak man will be without his Kayak this summer.

Poor guy.

Ali xX

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