Both Kayak Man and I love the water so we decided it was high time we paid a local beach a visit taking advantage of the wonderful sunshine that is all too rare around these parts. A short train trip and viola – sun, sand, sea and ice cream. Puuurfect. The beach was busier than we expected: actually full of school classes out on trips having their own build a sand castle competitions. Some of these creations were pretty impressive. This is the first summer that Kayak Man and I are really able to enjoy, seen as he is still job hunting and my health is much better. A simple day and so much fun.
I love the people watching: the school groups, the families, the dog walkers… everybody seeming to have a good time. I have to admit though, sometimes I see something that, well, I just have to turn and walk away from. Today was no exception. Next to me was a family with a young lad about 3 years or so old who was busy playing with some plastic dinosaurs in the sand. Really cute kid… who then finds a huge shard of glass that looked like it was from a broken beer bottle. Of course this is a most exciting find and now he’s tossing it around and playing with the thing and mum is looking on giggling. I am not making any judgment on this lady’s mothering abilities but I am just too neurotic to sit and watch this little guy play with a sharp pointy object of broken glass. I have to make him stop OR walk away. Now, far be it from me to tell someone how to parent so walk away it is, Kayak Man trailing behind confused at the sudden movement.
Soon we’re at the waters edge because you know I simply can’t go to the beach and not dip my toes in. This time our next door neighbors are a family with a very small child who looked like he was having his first time in the water splashing about like a true water baby and giggling his little head off in the process. Anyone notice how infectious that uninhibited child’s giggle is? Seriously, we need to put more effort into trying to bottle it as I’m sure it would be more powerful than any current anti depressant. Just saying.
And then it happened. We ended up in this really deep conversation about life, the universe and everything (in our case, how much we want to relocate when we should do that “W” thing) completely by accident. As we’re wondering round the beach in no particular direction, meandering through our plans for the future with the same type of casual relaxed ease, Kayak Man looks at me and says ” I want us to have kids just as much as you do ya know” … and in that moment a few things happened. My heart stopped and hovered on the edge of braking for a moment or two. But this time, instead of just shutting down with the old “never gonna happen, move on now now NOW … you’re hurting me” attitude, I found myself just saying “yeah I know” and wondering if maybe the door that leads to treatment and a long long scary journey was unbolted. If it was – if we decide together to go that way in the future – right now I’m ok with that.
And I get bonus points because I didn’t even cry!