Two steps forward…

Frustration is the word for this week.  I’m just irked, stressed out and I don’t know why. I’m getting random headaches aches and pains. All my thoughts seem to be half formed inside my head – that same feeing when you have a word on the tip of your tongue – as if my brain is trying to think about and find a solution to six different things at once and achieving precisely nothing.  It’s working out the same for my blog. I have several things I should be talking about, I want to talk about, and yet somehow none of the information is coming together in a way that makes sense to me.

I was out in a crowd again this weekend as I took a trip to the Wirral Show with KM. It was a wonderful sunny day which I find always helps my mood. My thoughts become clearer. Generally, I’m just that much more hopeful. The event which started life as a local agricultural show but has over the years developed into more of a crowd pleaser.  You know, fun fair display teams over priced yet surprisingly good food and a whole bunch of people trying to sell you things. Still, it’s entertainment.  We had lots of giggles watching the stunt doggy display team or the routine choreographed by the local unit of the Merseyside Mounted Police in their shiny uniforms. There were military recruitment displays which kept both of us happy as KM is drawn to anything with Royal Navy written on it like metal to a magnet… and me, well, men in uniform… need I say more? The sales pitch worked. We’re such easy targets for marketing.  I was suckered into thinking that a voucher for a days Falconry is this year’s must have while Kayak Man is muttering something about wanting to get his mircolight license. Uh huh… Ijits!

The most remarkable thing about this outing, though, is that I didn’t even have a hint of panic the whole day we were out: Not even mildly nervous. In fact, most of the day I was quietly wondering where all these emotions had gone, feeling a little odd NOT to be worrying. Woohoo progress!

But then as we went out to see the much anticipated HARRY POTTER, I was a mess again: stressed and panicked and just not right in myself. Mmhumm. I should have known better than to go to this movie on opening day. I should have thought that the screen being sold out and therefore packed would be an issue for me. But but  I really wanted to see this movie. I’ve been waiting for it since I read the book and even I could not have known I would be this badly affected.  In fact, I ended up leaving said movie a total of THREE times to throw up. THREE. And yeah walking out in front of all those people trying to watch made me not just irritated that I was missing even a few minutes  but OMG ground swallow me now self conscious  not helping the whole anxiety thing.  Three times. I feel like we need to go again.  And I’m getting kind of peeved by this two steps forward one step back routine I seem to be stuck in.

May next week be better

Ali xX

One thought on “Two steps forward…

  1. Two steps forward and one step back sucks BUT you are going forward! You’re doing great, just be gentle with yourself. Be patient. I know it’s easier said then done, but please try!

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