Finding Answers

I chose flat broke for a year, thanks to my college agreeing to a payment plan so I can break this huge bill down. I believe that with a little luck I will just be able to cope. Hopefully, somewhere along the way, I can transition from benefits to working anyways. So, for the moment, I am still in college, Yaaay!! In a way, perhaps it’s a good thing. It’s made me think about how much I want to do this and given me even more motivation to make this year count, after basically devoting all my spare income to this college course. I have to carry on to make sure that I give getting into university my best shot and be prepared to try again next year if needs be. So, this week my head has been full of the workings of microscopes and cell biology and a lot of long words to commit to memory. Here’s hoping there are no more financial bumps along the way.

I also managed to find a second lecturer to provide the missing reference that I need so hopefully that problem is also on the way to being solved. I’ve been given an amazing opportunity to spend two weeks undertaking work, shadowing in the maternity section of the hospital. I’ll be doing 9-5 Monday to Friday and it all starts NEXT WEEK!  I’m soo thrilled I’ll finally have some experience for that application. I’m so excited and honored that I’ll get a snapshot of my chosen profession. I want to try an learn as much as I can just through observation and reflection and I believe the experience will mean I can make a more informed final choice about weather midwifery is definitely for me. SOOO EXCITED!! … and also … nervous as hell. This will be my first working week in 3 years – longer days than I am used to. I want to make a good impression. I don’t want to get in the way, make a fool of myself, fall on my face… and in all honestly I’m a little terrified that I might have a panic attack and make a complete mess of things, but I’m trying to ignore that voice that’s telling me I can’t do this and carry on. After all, this placement is part of the plan.

I finally went to the doctor about my blood pressure. Yes, I know I left it longer than I should but I have to psyche myself up to going to see the doctor. Those around me had been nagging for a few weeks so I finally committed to going. BP is still higher than it should be, although the reading is coming down from where it was when I was first told to go. My reading was 140/80. Yeah, see, I ask for the numbers now. Conclusion: I should go back and have the nurse check it twice in the next month so my doctor can get a better picture of what’s going on. I also have a strained ligament in my right elbow that’s been bothering me for a few weeks. It’s not pain, it just doesn’t feel right. Dr informs me it may take a further 4 weeks (maybe a lil more) to get better.  Blech.

Dealing with problems… resisting the urge to run away… not giving up… finding solutions and answers… that was what this whole plan was about right??

Ali xX

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