Fail.

Failed as expected. Damn, but I am not as cut-up about it as I thought I would be. I think it has something to do with the fact that most other people also failed. If less than 10% of a year group actually passes the exam I’m thinking something isn’t right and apparently college agrees with me, I will not have to take a killer resit YAY. Instead I will have to submit a work sheet covering the areas I messed up on the exam paper to prove that I have learned from my mistakes. A work sheet – I can handle.

The time has come to be decisive. I’m drawing a line in the sand and deciding that my application form HAS to be submitted, so I’ve completed my final draft of my supporting statement this afternoon. I’m happy with it. I won’t be getting feedback from my tutor but instead I’m taking it to student service for the college careers people to look over. I’ve sent it to a couple of current student midwives and they’ve approved so hopefully my gamble will pay off. I neeeeeeeed to get this form sent its causing me so much stress. Fingers crossed, I can get an appointment tomorrow and it will be done… sent… out of my hands.

Moving on to the next step: I had totally forgotten that I’m going to visit my mum this weekend. I mean totally-need-to-rush-out-and-buy-my-travel-ticket-in-the-morning forgot. We’re going to visit one of my university choices on Saturday.  This place could be my first choice and I’m excited to see it even if spending time alone with mum makes me nervous. I don’t need to feel small around her now, right?  I have direction and commitment and some things to be proud of… at least there’s a time limit on the trip. I have to be back for an interview and college Monday. 4 days.  I can handle 4 days. Uggh wish me luck.

Ali xX

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