PMS is causing havoc. We’re not just talking moody and irritable here. I’m talking interfering with my life, making me a totally different person. I’m confused and actually a little scared of my own mood swings, not to mention the pain. My cycle is fucked up anyways thanks to PCOS and this is the first year that I’ve really been keeping tabs on things. It turns out this year I’ve been getting a visit from dear old AF around once every two months but the week before I’m going through hell. I’m a restrained person in public and these things don’t really affect me in terms of work or right now: volunteering. The problem mostly affects those close to me where I feel comfortable enough to be myself to let go and really talk about how I’m feelings or yell about it as the case may be.
KM is bearing the brunt of the sudden mood changes. Previously, we’ve written them off to depression or sometimes the stressful events going on in our lives, but it’s only this year since I’ve really been recording things that I realized it’s my cycle that’s responsible for turning me into a monster.
It’s not just arguing. We’re talking unbelievable unprovoked anger: things that usually would be a small irritation cause this rage that has me yelling and wanting to throw things at his head. So far I’ve never actually thrown anything. Well, except for a sandwich once in college… a story that I’ve never lived down since… when you’re having to make a considerable effort NOT to, something isn’t right.
Then there’s the crying. I don’t cry, certainly not in public, and I try my best not to cry even in private. I hate it and yet in this hormonal week I’m bursting into tears all over the place with little or no reason. Not just a tear or two: we’re talking bawling tears – streaming… hug me .hug me… love me… it’s awful.
So, I was watching Gadget Guy’s TiVo the other day and I’m sure I’ve mentioned before how shocking I find all the pharmaceutical adverts that are on TV in the US, but this one one night I’m hearing a drug used to treat PMDD. Well it just ticked all the boxes so forgive me, but I had to consult Dr Google. This thing sounds so much like me it scared me. Unfortunately, PMDD is not yet recognized in the UK so I don’t feel like I can go to a GP and be taken seriously. I always am a little wary about reading up on some illness on the internet. It’s so easy to think you have any illness that’s vaguely similar, but then at the same time I found out about PCOS this way and had the same gut feeling that I do now about PMDD and I was right on the PCOS thing even though it took me two years to get diagnosed.
I’m not going to go rushing out to the doctor or anything, but I guess I have to keep a closer eye on this issue next year. When does PMS cross the line from an irritating side effect of an impending arrival to serious problem is it reasonable to ask for help with ?