We’re hoooome! YAY. Hello 2010. We survived… just. We’ll forget the fact that I’m freezing my a$$ off in a house that’s so cold I’m sat here writing in my new warm bright red winter coat (thanks Mum). I know, you’re giggling at my melodramatics, but it’s not just me. Honest. KM also has his winter hat on to cover his ears ‘cause they were too cold. Couple that with his über-sexy Incredible Hulk t-shirt and you realize that we’re really going for sexy in the Cyster Act household. That will teach us to go away and not have the heating turn on at all for the 4 days we were gone. I think we have now established that KM’s tolerance level is set at about two days when it comes to dealing with my mum. He hardly stopped to say goodbye to her as we were leaving today. The man saw the steps onto the bus and he was off. Home time! All in all, I’m still calling the trip a success because despite KM’s grumpy contrary attitude and my mother’s post midnight rants about my weight, my lack of discipline or self control, the fact that women are mostly better off without a man in their life… I held it together and did not dissolve into a gibbering crying wreck, ready to give up on everything. I’m not doing anything to make my mother proud. Apparently she’s holding onto hope that I’ll wake up and realize I’m too smart to get married and I really aught to go and train as a teacher. Along with this Epiphany will apparently come the knowledge that being unable to have kids is no big deal because they are not worth it and the world is far to cruel. It wouldn’t be fair to bring a baby into the place anyway. Can you tell she over indulged on the champagne a little? But I’m not going to rant and rave and crucify her for it because, well, lots of people do: it was New Years Eve after all. I held my ground. I know what I want to do with my life now and teaching is NOT it. Infertility is a BIG deal to me even if she was not that fussed on having kids. I had my heart set on it. I’m coming to realize that she won’t ever understand. It’s sad and I guess I find it hard to accept, but I love her anyway. Since I don’t appear to feel, I’m not angry about it anymore. The things she says just don’t seem to get under my skin like they used to and that’s a very good thing. I’ll just keep working on myself, my goals, my dreams, doing things that make me proud of myself regardless of her opinion.
Opinions aside, I could see the effort put in on both sides. KM was making some attempts to find mutual topics for conversation that would avoid confrontation. They actually seem to agree on a lot of things. It made me smile to learn a few things about both of the people I care about by listening to them attempting idle chit chat… that and both of them could talk about cooking or gardening for much longer than I have patience to endure. Mum was making meals containing all his favorite foods from past visits and for three and half days it was all going much better than I ever could have imagined.
Until, that is, KM let things slip. I guess he was tired and fed up needing to go home but by this morning when we left his grumpiness had reached new heights and he was honestly quite rude to my mother. Here’s me stuck in the middle, stressing already, exhausted from all the underlying tension that had been present, even though we’d successfully avoided it bubbling up to the surface. You see how fast these things spiral. I took my mum’s side because, in my opinion, he was at fault. He’s all “you always follow your mother around like a toddler”… aherm… I am no toddler. Mum and I are struggling to move on from the teenage confrontation years, I grant you… BUT TODDLER?!?! Now we’re on the coach travelling home barely talking… WOW three days. We managed 3 DAYS… but those last 3 hours and it all collapsed like a pack of cards. We had a four hour journey home to get over it. Normal relations have resumed.
I’m exhausted… back to the grind (college) tomorrow. What a relief!